


you know that you're the one (that's terrified)

by niajaxx (msfoxxyfoxxy)



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9372275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msfoxxyfoxxy/pseuds/niajaxx
Summary: "If there was one thing Roman was sure about, it was that he wanted Dean to be a constant in his life."





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this story comes from Terrified by Childish Gambino, which I listened to on repeat while writing this and that particular lyric fit the fic. I hope you like it!

**Part One: Spring**

“I’m gonna ask Dean to marry me.”

Roman watched, excited and nervous, as his mother’s face lit up before she rushed forward to hug him tight, her words already going a mile a minute. Over her shoulder, he could see his father watching him with confusion and, of course, disappointment.

His dad was sure whatever he had going with Dean was a phase, and even though he had accepted his son’s ‘strange choices’, he was hoping he’d one day settle down with a woman (preferably of Polynesian descent, which was very hypocritical of him) and give him ten grandkids.

But, that was Roman. Ever the disappointed to his father.

“Did you buy a ring yet?”

Roman reached into his pocket and pulled out the little box that he’d been hiding from Dean for about two weeks. He opened it, revealing the simple platinum, satin-finished band inside. Roman hoped it looked basic enough that Dean wouldn’t guess he paid a hefty penny for it.

His mom’s eyes lit up and Roman felt a bigger surge of excitement because he imaged the same look on Dean’s face.

“It’s gorgeous! And that satin finish is a nice touch.” She commended as her fingers hovered over it, revering it slightly. “Something tells me Dean wouldn’t be fond of too shiny.”

Roman wasn’t going to buy a ring at first. He was just going to ask Dean to marry him and then they’d get eloped and then play pool after or something, because that was such a _Dean_ way of going about this, but… Roman just wanted to do this the traditional way. He wanted his proposal to be full of meaning and not just be just another thing that they _did_.

His mom started going on and on with questions about when, where, and how. She waved her hands dramatically, talking about venues and locations spots and asking when she’d be able to tell her friends. His dad scowled and shook his head before he left the room in the way he usually does to avoid saying something he’d regret. Roman watched him go and tried to pretend that his father’s lack of approval didn’t cut him deep.

\---

Roman’s family get-togethers were always tedious before he started bringing Dean along. His family is loud and boisterous, so of course Dean fit right in from the very moment Roman made introductions. Roman liked to sit back and watch Dean make himself at home with his family and every time they welcomed him as if he _was_ family, and that just warmed Roman right up.

“Dude, you with us?”

Roman snapped his eyes back to Dean who was sprawled out in the sofa next to him. Dean waved the PS4 controller and Roman looked at it, confused. His various cousins stared back, anxious to get back to the playing the game.

“It’s your turn, man.” Dean said. “I died again. Hey, you alright, big guy?”

The ring box burned in Roman’s pocket.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Roman insisted as he took the controller. “Just spaced out there for a second.”

Dean gave him a look, but didn’t press him about it. To reassure him, Roman knocked their knees together and dropped a big hand on Dean’s thigh to squeeze it. Dean grinned at him and knocked back and Roman turned into mush. Simple, mild displays of affection like that meant so much to him because Roman knew Dean only did shit like that when he was happy. And if Dean was happy, Roman was happy.

\---

Roman waited until most his family was gone and only his immediate and closest were left. Dean and Roman were left alone on the balcony drinking beers while the remaining of his family were inside cleaning up and packing away leftovers.

Dean was in an amazing mood, and he’d had a few beers so he was relaxed and leisurely. He looked at Roman all giddy, and usually Roman would be all excited because Dean’s body language was giving him signs that he was gonna get laid in about an hour, but instead he felt like a bundle of nerves. He started to second-guess himself. What if Dean hated the ring? What if he said no?

Eventually, Roman decided that it was now or never.

“Dean,” He started. His voice was hoarse and shaky from his nervousness. “I’m glad you came.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, then smirked. “Free food, free beer, AND I get to kick your brother’s ass in every game he has? Yeah, how can I pass this up, Roman?”

Roman rolled his eyes and grinned. “No, I mean…” He paused and wondered how he was going to do this. He couldn’t see himself getting down on one knee. Dean would probably laugh at him. He fidgeted with his fingers in his lap, his palms growing uncomfortably moist from sweat.

“Hey,” Dean said, sounding concerned, suddenly. He probably noticed Roman’s near-breakdown. “What’s up with you, man?”

“I love you,” Roman blurted, then instantly kicked himself.

Dean waited for a long while, his eyes scanning Roman’s face for a reason why he was acting so weird. “The feeling’s mutual, bro, but you’re starting to freak me out here.”

He placed a hand on Roman’s forehead, and when he didn’t feel any heat, he pushed Roman’s hair back and cupped the back of his neck. He brought their lips together once in a quick peck before he knocked their heads together as if he was trying to jolt Roman out of his stupor. Roman stared at his blue eyes and took in the concern there.

Ok. Dean loved him.

He loved Dean.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dean.

If there was one thing Roman was sure about, it was that he wanted Dean to be a constant in his life.

Hopefully, Dean wanted the same.

Roman took a deep breath and plunged in head first.

“Marry me.”

Dean cocked his head back and stared at him. With every passing second that his demand went unanswered, a liter of sweat poured out of him. Well, not really, but it felt like it. He was nervous and on edge, his mind running frantic as he waited for Dean to answer him.

As if he wanted to help his case even more, Roman reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box. He opened it and showed Dean the ring inside, sitting patiently, waiting to be accepted.

Dean stared at it, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Roman…”

It wasn’t a ‘yes’, so Roman stared to panic. He began to ramble, his words tripping over themselves.

“We don’t say it often, but I love you. And I know you love me. You’re my best friend and quite possibly the best person I know. Can’t imagine going another day without knowing we’re each other’s… if that makes sense.”

Dean took his eyes away from the ring and looked at him again before he spoke up, “We need to get married to prove that?”

Roman frowned. “I guess not.”

There was silence for a while before Roman deflated. He was about to pack it up and sulk, when Dean reached for the ring.

“You pay an arm and a leg for this?” He asked as he took it out of the box to inspect it.

“No,” Roman lied, his hope rising and exploding in his heart as Dean slipped the ring on his finger and made a fist.

“Couldn’t have gotten me one with a big jewel that’ll do harm when I knock a fucker out?”

Roman smirked and reached for Dean, pulling him into a kiss. Dean went easily, kissing Roman back enthusiastically. He buried his fingers in Roman’s hair and tugged playfully.

\---

The sex that night was mind-blowing.

Everything was rough and fast, a little too fast at some points, but Roman didn’t complain. Usually, whatever Dean wanted, Dean got, and that went tenfold now that Dean was his _fiancé_.

The sight of the platinum band in the dark as it reflected the little corner lamp in the room excited Roman and made him fuck into Dean faster, the thought of he and Dean being tied together… it made a flash of something hot and fast like a wildfire run through his veins, awakening something primal and… Roman couldn’t describe it. He couldn’t describe it, but it was warm and happy, and it made him feel amazing knowing that Dean wanted him the same way he wanted Dean.

Dean gasped as Roman’s lips trail past his jaw and down to his throat.

“You like that?” Roman muttered into the hollow of Dean’s throat, his rutting forward and angling just the way Dean likes.

“Yeah,” Dean groaned, “Yeah, fuck you’re always so good to me.”

Roman watched as his ringed hand came up to cradle his cheek, an oddly tender motion for the type of sex they were having.

“Love you,” Dean said, his voice shaky, his breath coming fast and uneven. It was uncharastically sweet. So heavy and filled with emotion that Roman felt his eyes burn.

His hips faltered and his hands came up to grab Dean’s. There was so much he wanted to say.

_I love you, too. I don’t deserve you. You made me the happiest guy ever. Thank you for saying yes._

Before he could say any of that, Dean rolled his hips and moved his hand from Roman’s cheek to between his legs to stroke his cock.

They didn’t speak again for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

 

**Part Two: Summer**

“Ma, that’s too extravagant,” Roman said over the phone as he stared at his mother’s Pinterest ideas that she emailed him. “And we wanna keep this under wraps. You’re lucky Dean is even entertaining your ideas. I’m expecting him to ask me to elope any day now.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Dean stumble out of the hotel bathroom, hair messy and toothbrush stuck in his mouth.

“I gotta go, mom,” Roman said as he closed the email quickly and put his laptop to sleep. He didn’t want Dean to see that he was looking at fancy wedding plans. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Roman! Don’t forget to call your father.”

“Yeah, will do.” Roman lied. “Love you.”

Dean waited until he hung up to crawl into Roman’s bed and straddle his hips. “Was that your mom?”

Roman placed his hands on Dean’s hips and squeezed as Dean began to kiss his neck and shoulders, leaving little spots of toothpaste on his skin. The water from his wet hair dropped down on him, but Roman didn’t mind. How could he with a lap full of Dean?

“Yeah,” He answered, distracted.

“Did you tell her I said hi?” Dean asked, rubbing up against Roman’s stubble.

“No. Didn’t really get a word in. She was going on about wedding venues.”

Dean stilled and Roman did as well. There it was again. Dean freezing up and withdrawing at the slightest mention of getting married.

Dean slid from Roman’s lap and Roman ran a hand through his hair. He’d been patient and understanding about Dean’s hesitance, but now he was becoming frustrated. His frustration, of course, stemmed from his fear that maybe Dean really didn’t want to get married. He asked about a month ago, but Dean said he was sure, but Roman didn’t know what to believe anymore. How could he get a clear picture of the situation if Dean wouldn’t talk to him?

“You gonna shut down every time I mention the wedding?” Roman asked as he folded his arms across his chest.

Dean only shrugged and went into the bathroom to wash his mouth. When he reappeared, he silently started discarding his towel and heading towards one of his duffle bags. Roman just watched him, eyes tracking all his movements. Eventually his staring got to Dean because the other man let out a noise of frustration as he pulled on his briefs.

“Hey, I’m not having cold feet or anything,” Dean said as he made his way over to the bed to flop down next to Roman. “You know me… this ain’t my forte.”

“Well, it’s not mine, either,” Roman replied trying to keep his voice even. “But I’m still excited. Every time you hear anything about getting married, you look like you’re dreading it.”

Dean looked down at his hands. “You really wanna marry me, huh?”

Roman shrugged, “Yeah.” He paused and looked down at his hands as well, his cheeks warming. “I do.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked with a chuckle. “Well, that’s flattering.”

Roman chanced looking up at Dean’s face and he saw that he was grinning, his expression no longer stony.

“Don’t get cocky, man.” Roman huffed. They laughed, the tension easing out of the room as quickly as it came.

Roman wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulder and brought a hand up to ruffle his hair. “Hey, if it’s my mom’s planning that makes you uncomfortable, then I can be stricter. Tell her to chill a little.”

“It’s not that,” Dean said. “I mean, it is… I don’t know. I just don’t want it to get too big, you get me?”

“I get it,” Roman said. “I’ll talk to her. And I’ll tell her it’s only me, so you won’t get any blame.”

“My hero,” Dean deadpanned.

They were quiet after that. Dean slid out from under his arm and got up to finish getting dressed. Roman thought things were settled, but he still felt off. Like they’d only scratched the surface.

He tried one more time. “Hey, are you sure you’re ok?”

Dean paused and the silence stretched out for only a few seconds. “Yeah, big guy. Stop stressin’.”

* * *

 

 

**Part Three: Fall**

In the two years that they’ve been together, Dean and Roman rarely had fights. They argued, sure, over dumb shit like what they should eat, or who cheated in the game they were playing, or who should go get the lube from the bathroom, but it was short and never went on for a long time. Dean got peevish often and suffered from aggressive impulses, but it was rarely ever directed at Roman. And whenever he _did_ lash out at Roman, Roman knew enough to give him space until he let it be known that he was ready to talk.

However, for the last two months, that changed. It started with small bickering first, but it slowly started to turn into full blown arguments with Dean throwing things and Roman stomping out to put space in-between them. They’d make up, of course, but a few days later they’d be yelling again.

It’d seem like those days, Dean was always on edge and antsy. Everything Roman did annoyed him. Roman didn’t know what he was doing wrong and eventually he stopped blaming himself for Dean’s mood.

It still hurt him since Roman never had above average self-esteem and he’d been afraid of Dean walking out on him since they got engaged, but he never voiced his concerns. Dean barely gave him a chance to.

One night, the arguing and the crappy schedule and the broken heater in their shitty hotel got to Roman. He snapped.

“What the fuck is your problem, Dean!?”

Dean blinked at him, pausing his tirade. After recovering from Roman’s outburst, he went on. “Have you not been listening?”

“No!” Roman yelled, then measured his voice because they were in a hotel room. The last thing he wanted was for yet another warning. “To be honest, I tuned you out a while ago.”

Dean scoffed. “Then why the fuck would you ask what my problem is?”

“I want to know what’s been your deal for the past few months,” Roman asked. “You’ve been a bigger dick than usual.”

“Well, aren’t you the charmer?” Dean grumbled as he brushed past him to start shoving clothes into his duffel bag.

Roman watched him pack, almost not even wanting to ask where he was going because at least he’d get a break from his attitude, but after a while he relented because he knew better than to let Dean leave while he was this pissed.

“Dean, where are you going?”

“Need some air.”

“Ok then, why do you need your bag?”

“What’s it to you?”

Roman rolled his eyes sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands. “You’re so frustrating.”

Dean paused his task and turned around. “I am. You sure you want this forever?”

For a tiny, guilty, fleeting moment, Roman thought ‘ _No. I don’t want to put up with this forever_ ’. His silence seemed to give Dean all the momentum he needed because then he went on, voice harsher than before.

“Of course, not. Of course, you don’t,” He turned around and continued to pack his bag. “What you need, Roman, is a normal person that doesn’t have a list of shit wrong with them, and I need someone who isn’t a damn pushover with stars in their eyes.”

Roman lifted his eyes to stare at Dean, “A pushover?”

Dean went on as if he didn’t hear him. “Who was I kidding, thinking this could work? On what planet?”

Roman started to panic now. He stood up quickly, hands reaching out for Dean. “Wait, what? Dean, this _can_ work.”

Dean turned to look at Roman, his eyes beyond blue with rage and sadness and something else Roman couldn’t place. Disappointment in Roman? In himself?

“Roman, this ain’t me.” Dean took off the ring and held it out to him. “I can’t… We’re not…”

Roman stared at Dean and slowly his confusion and sadness gave way for anger again because he got it. He got what Dean had been trying to do for the past few months. He’d been trying to push Roman away and break off the engagement, but instead of trying to have a discussion like a normal adult, he’d been trying in the most Dean way possible.

“Fuck you,” Roman said suddenly. The words rushed out of him, hot and trembling. He’d felt like his world was crashing down around him, and he was well aware that those words sped up the process, but he couldn’t help himself. “Fuck you, Dean.”

Dean scowled. “Fuck me? Fuck you! This is your fault!”

“My fault?!” Roman exploded. He could hear his own booming voice echoing off the hotel walls and he knew soon they’d get a phone call or visit from staff. “My fault for wanting to be with you?”

“We didn’t have to do this,” Dean grumbled, holding up the ring accusingly. “This engagement shit. We were fine as we were.”

“Why did you say yes then?” Roman asked. “Why didn’t you just say no and save everybody’s time.”

“Never said yes,” Dean pointed out. “Didn’t say no to spare your feelings.”

And there it was.

Roman deflated.

Dean seemed to understand that maybe he said something cruel, so he took a step forward, but Roman held out a hand to stop him, and then he opened his palm. “Give me the ring.”

Dean hesitated and Roman was two seconds away from grabbing it out of his hands, but before he could do that, Dean placed the ring in his hand. Roman pocketed it slowly and he kept the ring grasped tight in his hand.

Suddenly, he felt stupid for thinking Dean would’ve gone through with this. How could he miss the signs? It was obvious now how much more he cared about Dean than Dean cared about him.

The ring felt like it was buzzing in his pocket, and if it wasn’t an inappropriate situation, he’d have made a Lord of the Rings joke. Dean would’ve laughed and then suggest that they watch the movie. They’d only watch about half of it before they started fooling around and by the credits, Dean’s legs would’ve been up on Roman’s shoulders or something.

The thought made Roman want to cry.

He turned away from Dean and started packing his own things. The room was quiet and stifling, and Roman felt like he was on the edge of a breakdown. He felt like he was drowning in his own choke-back tears, but he held himself together on pride alone.

“Roman,” Dean said quietly from behind him. “You should stay. I’ll go.”

Roman ignored him and continued to pack an autopilot. His mind was running a mile a minute about the last few months. When he was done packing, he dropped his keycard in the bowl near the door and left the room.

Dean didn’t chase after him or call out to him and that stung, but Roman figured it was for the best.

* * *

 

 

**Part Four: Winter**

Heading home for Christmas without Dean was harder than Roman expected. By December, they’d been broken up for about two months, but the pain was still raw. Sometimes Roman just wanted to pick up the phone and call him, just to hear his voice or apologize, but then he remembered what Dean said to him; “…and I need someone who isn’t a damn pushover with stars in their eyes.”

He decided that If Dean really wanted to talk to him, he’d call.

Of course, Dean didn’t call.

So, Roman went to Florida alone and had to face the ‘Where’s Dean?’ questions from everyone and watch as his mom made a ‘just don’t even ask’ face at his nosey family when she thought he wasn’t looking.

Roman locked himself in the guest bedroom for most of his Christmas holiday. For the first time in a long time, he was glad that these vacations weren’t long

and soon he’d be back to work and away from his family which reminded him too much of Dean and all looked at him as if he was someone to be pitied.

He was pitiful.

\---

On his last day home, his father came to speak to him.

Roman and his father never had a good relationship. His father expected too much from him and it didn’t take Roman until his second year of college to realize that his father was the reason for his feelings of inadequacy.

And then there was the whole Dean thing, which put them further at odds.

As he was packing his bags, his father let himself into the room. For a while, he stood there silently and he waited until Roman turned to look at him before speaking.

“Your mother told me about you and that boy.”

Roman sighed. “Dad, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I understand that this must be painful,” His father went on, moving to take a seat at the vanity. “I know what it is like to have to end things with someone you… care a lot about.”

Roman turned to look at his father so he could get a good sense at where the conversation was heading. Was he here to comfort him? That seemed unlikely.

“I didn’t just care about him,” Roman said. “I loved him.”

His father shrugged, “Maybe it’s for the best, _atali'i_. That boy… he was going to hurt you eventually. It was better to happen sooner rather than later, after the wedding.”

Roman wanted to argue because that’s what he did whenever he and his father spoke about Dean. They argued and yelled and the conversation always ended with Roman hanging up, or his father storming off back to his own house. But, his father was right. It was better to happen now rather than later.

“Weddings are expensive,” His father went on. “And so are divorces. And when you make more than them, they try to take from you. Your mother and I’s divorce was horrible because of that!”

He could see that his father was satisfied, and the thought of Dean proving his father right made Roman sink deeper into a terrible depression. His father went on, disrespecting Dean, and on some level Roman’s own mother, but Roman had felt himself go out like a match a while ago and he didn’t have any fight left in him.

 

* * *

 

**Part Five: Spring Redux**

By early Spring, Roman was doing a lot better. He’d thrown himself into work to keep his mind busy, and whenever he had free time, he went to the gym or played video games with his cousins and Xavier Woods. He barely saw Dean, but when he did he ducked his head and kept it moving. He used to stare after him like a lovelorn teenager at first, but after a while, it became easier to not look and harder to do so.  Eventually, as if the universe decided to give him a break, they stopped seeing much of each other and his cousins stopped telling him what Dean was up to, so things were looking up slightly.

In April, John Cena had a birthday party. Roman wasn’t one for parties, but he got guilted into attending by John, his cousins, and pretty much everyone else who were gonna be there and for some reason felt like he should be there, too. Jimmy and Jey mainly wanted him there because they’d been trying to hook him up with various women for about a month and a party with coworkers and mutual friends in Cena’s booze-filled mansion was apparently the perfect spot.

Roman mingled for about an hour until he relaxed enough to start talking to a female trainer he’d seen occasionally whenever he visited the performance center, but never spoke to directly. She was very beautiful, and spoke about the business like she had true passion for it, so Roman was fully engaged into their conversation by the time he’d noticed that Dean was standing next to him.

“Hey, man,” Dean said awkwardly when Roman finally turned to look at him.

Roman stared at Dean for a long time because it felt odd hearing Dean speak to him directly after not doing so in months. Roman wanted to look around to be sure that Dean was speaking to him and not someone else behind him, but he was stuck. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Roman shifted in his seat.

“Uh, hey Dean.”

If Roman knew Dean was gonna be here, he would have stayed his ass in his hotel room. He kinda wanted to leave now – just walk out and go for a long drive to clear his head.

Dean shuffled his feet a little, something he did when he was nervous or anxious, and Roman hated that he knew little things like that. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been ok,” Roman said, and then remembered that he was actually speaking to someone else – the trainer from the performance center – and she was staring at them with interest and mild confusion. “Hey I’m kinda in the middle of – I’m talking to…” Roman let his voice drift off the second Dean started to nod his head at the dismissal.

“Yeah, it’s no problem.” He gruffed out. “I’ll uh… see you later.”

And then Dean was gone, maneuvering himself through the crowd and disappearing around a corner.

For the next hour or so, Roman suffered through conversations with several people until he had to take a break. And by ‘take a break’ he meant ‘flee to his car and drive off into the night so he could mope’.

He was out the door and on his way to his rental when he heard someone yell his name. He turned to see Dean power walking towards him, beer in hand. Roman felt a tinge of annoyance because all he wanted to do was go home. He didn’t want to deal with Dean tonight. Didn’t feel like he could deal with him for a long time.

“Yeah?” He asked, more harshly than he intended.

Dean came up to stop in front of him and he didn’t say much of anything. He just stared. Roman felt a lump form in his throat and he realized he was stupid for thinking he would ever get over Dean.

“Just wanted to see how you were doing,” Dean said finally, before finally averting his eyes. “Haven’t spoken to you in a while.”

“I’m ok,” Roman said curtly. When Dean didn’t say anything else, Roman sighed. “Look, I was just about to leave-”

“I’ve been horrible,” Dean said, abruptly. “I don’t have you around to make sure I eat and stuff.” He chuckled dryly and when Roman didn’t smile back, he took a chug of his beer nervously, his fingers twitching around the bottle.

“Well maybe you can find someone who isn’t a pushover to be your babysitter now,” Roman said as he turned away from Dean and made his way back to his car.

“Maybe I should try to do that,” Dean said right as Roman shut his car door. “But he’s not gonna be you, so what’s the point?”

That made Roman pause, even though he wanted to drive off. But he didn’t. Not even as Dean made his way over to his car and leaned on the door, sticking his shaggy head through the car window.

“Can we talk?” Dean asked, scratching his barely-there beard. “Like, can we go somewhere?”

“Where?”

“I don’t know,” He replied with a shrug. “Somewhere.”

\---

Somewhere meant a Walmart parking lot because after six minutes of driving, Roman couldn’t take the silence anymore and had to pull over somewhere quick. Dean tried to make small talk on the way, but after his attempts fell flat, he gave up and stared out the window with a vaguely pissed expression on his face as if he was the one who had any right to be pissed.

“What do you want, Dean?” Roman asked when the awkwardness had begun to hit critical mass.

Dean shrugged. “Just wanted to see how you were. Hadn’t spoken to you in a while. Since-”

“We broke up,” Roman offered.

“Yeah…” Dean went silent again and Roman gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. “About that…”

Suddenly Roman’s brain decided to conjure memories of when he and Dean were happy. When they used to just kick back and chill and the idea of a perfect night was eating a whole box of pizza and then making out, both tasting like greasy pepperoni and beer.

He was overcome, then, with even more sadness and embarrassment for liking someone more than they liked him and actually proposing to the guy. He was a huge tool.

“It’s fine, Dean,” Roman said, his voice calm like undisturbed water, even though his insides were shaking. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“We do,” Dean said, decidedly. “Just… give me a minute to get my words together, alright?”

Roman finally turned to look at Dean who seemed to be struggling with himself. He relaxed a little when he realized it wasn’t only him on edge, so he decided to give Dean his minute.

After a while Dan spoke up. “My mom married my step-dad when I was like 8,” he started. “The wedding day was the happiest that I saw my mom in a long time. She was super excited and she spent more than we had on a wedding.” He paused to fiddle with his hands again. “When shit didn’t work out, mom refused to sign the divorce papers and she got served by a process server at her job in front of everybody. That really contributed to her depression and the child abuse.”

Dean didn’t speak about his past much, but when he did, it usually left him in a bad place. Roman understood how hard this must’ve been to talk about, but he let Dean go on.

“Your parents got divorced as well,” Dean added. “It was amicable, but it was a hard process and took a toll on you and your family. Said so yourself.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to get married?” Roman asked. “You’re afraid of divorce?”

Dean shrugged again. “It’s not just that. It’s… Rome, I’m – I’m _difficult_. I’m not always easy to deal with. Before we broke up, when we were fighting a lot, I knew how hard I was to deal with. Don’t you want the freedom to be able to just cut ties and go our separate ways when things get shitty?”

Roman thought about it for a while before he spoke up again. “If I wanted that, I wouldn’t’ve asked you to marry me.”

Dean went quiet again and he looked out the window.

“Dean…” Roman said, then he finally released the steering wheel. “Why didn’t you talk to me instead of picking a fight every day and pushing me away?”

“Started to feel like I was trapped,” Dean explained, still staring out the window to avoid eye contact. “I felt like I had no choice. You’d told your mom and she was telling everyone and planning and shit. If I’d said no or called off the engagement, your family would’ve hated me.”

Roman fixed on ‘ _started to feel like I was trapped_ ’. “Was I… smothering you?”

“No!” Dean said, turning to look at Roman again. “No, it wasn’t you. It was me.”

Roman chuckled humorlessly. “We’re going with that line?”

“It isn’t a line!” Dean insisted. “Roman, you were the only good and constant thing in my life, man. You gotta know that by now.”

“I don’t know, Dean, between the ‘pushover with stars in your eyes’ comment and now you’re saying that you were trapped, it sounds like I was an overbearing chump.”

Dean flinched. “I didn’t mean what I said about you being a pushover, Roman. I’m sorry.”

Roman folded his arms and now it was his turn to look out the window at the parking lot, which was still full, despite the store probably being close to closing.

“Why would you want to be with me forever, huh?” Dean asked, sounding as if he was talking to himself instead of Roman. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s not that complicated,” Roman grit out.

“It is to me,” Dean said, and then they were quiet again.

About a minute passed before Dean shifted. “I still find it hard to just go about my day knowing that I fucked this up.”

Roman glanced at Dean from the corner of his eyes and saw that he was struggling again, but he didn’t interrupt or offer any words of his own.

“I fucked up, ok? I’m sorry. For some reason, I thought that what I was doing was the right way to go about this shit, but it wasn’t. I was hurting, but I thought, ‘Hey, he looks great on TV and Jimmy and Jey says that he’s doing well, so maybe it was for the best’, but apparently not. We both still got wounds.”

“No shit,” Roman bit out. “What’d you expect? That this shit would just blow over? Did you forget how we ended things or no?”

“Thought you would move on,” Dean explained.

“Onto what, Dean?” Roman asked incredulously. “I told you that it’d only be you. That’s why I proposed in the first place.”

“Well, lots of people promise ‘forever’, but instead they mean ‘only if things go smoothly.” Dean scoffed. “And we’re right back to why I didn’t want to get engaged in the first place.”

“You should have said that from the start!”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore!”

Dean was shaking now, probably beyond frustrated that he had to do so much speaking on an uncomfortable and emotionally-charged subject. His anxiety seemed to be at full bloom and that hit Roman right in the chest because he was soft.

He sighed the rest of the anger out of him.

“I know you probably think that I hate you now, but I don’t.” He admitted. “I still love you. Would always love you, no matter what.”

Dean looked strangely childlike, then. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Roman said. “I’ve missed you. Missed you so bad that sometimes…”

Roman wasn’t too good with words. He didn’t know how to describe things as eloquently as he wanted, but Dean got him, the same way he got Dean.

“I get it,” Dean said quietly. “I missed you too.”

Roman wanted to kiss him. He wanted to drive Dean back to his apartment and strip him down and show him how much he needed him, how much he missed him, for hours. And then afterwards, they’d take a long bath and kiss until they both got beard burn.

For now, he’d settle for holding his hand. And he did, just to prove to himself that he could again. Dean looked down at their hands and blushed because he was never one for this sappy shit, but he seemed content enough.

“I gotta go soon,” Roman sad quietly. “Big meeting with Hunter and Steph tomorrow.”

“What do they want?” Dean asked.

“You know,” Roman said, grazing his thumb across the back of Dean's hand. “Same ole bullshit.”

Dean knocked his head back against the headrest and laughed. Roman wanted to nuzzle his exposed neck because he knew Dean was ticklish there and the space under his ear was his _spot_.

“I can give you a ride to your hotel,” Roman offered, stopping himself short of begging Dean to come back with him to his hotel to sleep where he belonged; next to him. But it was too soon for that. They couldn’t just pick things back up from where it was. Couldn’t go back to how things used to be, at least not right away. Roman was fragile, and so was Dean, and even though they both wanted to try to work things out, it had to happen slowly. Just like when they’d first gotten together.

“Nah, I’ll catch a ride with Becky.” Dean said. “We’re in the same hotel.”

“Becky,” Roman laughed a little. “Should I be jealous?”

Dean laughed again and Roman smiled wider because he’d missed the sound of Dean being relaxed and happy. “Dude… no.”

When Dean exit the car, he leaned in through the passenger window and rest himself on the door again.

“You still got the ring?”

Roman hesitated for a while then nodded. “Yeah.”

Dean smirked, “Good. Call you later, big guy.”

He pushed away from the door and tapped the hood of the car twice before he walked off towards the party, which was dying down now. Roman watched him go until he disappeared then he pulled off with a big, hopeful smile on his face.

_**end.** _

**Author's Note:**

> After writing about 67% of this and rereading the draft for about the 100th time, I realized that it bared a tiny resemblance to [tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194064) by [countmeaway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/countmeaway/pseuds/countmeaway) which is one of my fave ambreigns fics ever. I promise that any similarities are unintentional.


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